2003-10-15 - 9:58 a.m.

I have this whole week off from school, and its been really nice. The doctor said I had to stay home since I tried to kill myself on Thursday. I also get to talk to a Psychiatrist on Friday...so they can evaluate me. The mental health nurse that talked to me for like 15 minutes in the hospital thinks that I have Bipolar Disorder and wanted my doctor to IMMEDIATELY put me on Lithium. My mom doesn't want me to be put on that, because it has some pretty nasty side effects. Stupid nurse. She talked to me for like 10 minutes or so and she calls that an evaluation? I don't think so. Also, one of the side effects is weight gain so I am gonna try to be as sane as possible. I guess it wont help me in the long run, but still...anything to avoid weight gain.

I kind of feel like a big baby, cause my Mom follows me around every where I go. She has to watch me I guess, thats what the doctor said. I saw her hiding all the pills TWICE yesterday, and she had to tell me to go away so she could hide them again. Not cool. She also followed me outside when I wanted to go for a walk. Its kind of cool since we are spending more time together, and I know she is just concerned. Its awesome we have a week together just by ourselves. I think we might go down to Rosebud to visit my really good friend for a couple days. I'm really excited about that.

Today my Mom asked me to tell her how much she weighed because she couldn't read the scale...and then she made me get on...and I was 99 lbs...at first I tried to convince her that the scale was off because it said she weighed 129....which is also small for her. Then she went and got another scale out of my grandmas room, and it said the same for both of us...so yikes. She was like "Oh Fiona...you have to gain weight...that is too light." She was totally being like...nice about it...and really concerned. "We have to fatten you up." NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO Please no. Anything but that...please....