2003-09-29 - 9:23 p.m.

Well I was 100 lbs this morning, but God knows what I am now. I hate myself. I really do. Why must I binge every couple of days? Why can't I just starve forever? I feel so fat, disgusting, and unsuccessful. No one probably reads my diary anymore. I'm just the "Fat girl who tries to be thin but can't." What is with this fuckin plateau? Seriously, I have been 100 lbs LONG ENOUGH. I am due for a change. These ups and downs are driving me crazy. I need something. Anything!! I used to have such motivation, and now I give into every little thing. I got in a fight with my boy friend today. I told him it really hurt my feelings when he called me disgusting 2 or 3 days ago, and he was like "Well you are too skinny." Then I was like, "I'm not skinny, I'm the same size I was 3 months ago." Then he threw a fit. He was like "You are so anorexic, you never eat blah blah blah, you need help, your face looks hollow...anyone who saw you could tell that you were anorexic." so I said: "You can't prove that I'm anorexic. I'm a better liar than you."

WTF is up with me. OH, and the part that made me mad was he was like..."Your face was so hollow last week but it has been looking healthier" (which means FAT in my vocabulary). GARRR. I wish people would understand. And I will get the gaunt look back. You wait and see. Fuck this world. Fuck this plateau. I'm losing weight starting tomorrow. Say good bye to the fat girl...