2003-07-30 - 10:17 p.m.

Well survived another day...

Go me. It's August in a couple days so I definitely have to keep my act together and go full out on August 1st. Why u ask? Because I want to be thin for school. My friend Marisa e-mailed me (the one who was 5'4 and 84lbs when she was anorexic) and she had told me she had gotten from 120 lbs to 109 since school has been out! I was like..NOOOOOO...She's catching up to me! I CANNOT let that happen. Garr. She has always been skinnier than me and it made me so mad when she was 84 lbs because everyone would talk about her and say how much she had lost and I would cry...and it seemed like it happened in no time too. All of a sudden she was just super skinny. I didn't even know she was being so successful because she never told me anything. The weird thing is she stillt tries to deny that she WAS anorexic but its stupid because everyone knew she was. You could tell. MAJORLY TELL. The girl looked like she didn't even exist. She would wear sweaters to school and her lips and fingernails were always a bluish purple color...AND SHE WAS SO HAIRY. I was sooo JEALOUS. Thinking about it makes me jealous. Thinking about her getting skinnier than me this year makes me jealous, mad, sad, determined...GARR. It WILL NOT HAPPEN. Nope. I will be the thinnest. Always, and forever.

Calorie intake:

TOO MANY CRACKERS!!!!! 220 cals worth

2 apples 160

Pieces of chicken & 3 fries 100 cals

Popcorn 100 cals

TOTAL : 580 calories

ACK ACK ACK. Those stupid crackers just kept taunting me dammit it made me so mad cause i ate them throughout the whole day thinking they wouldn't add up...Stupid me. In August, if I go over 500 calories, please somebody shoot me. At least I went for a really long walk today, and was pretty active. Meh.

Oh by the way, I am now 101 lbs...