2003-07-01 - 2:58 a.m.

Well...I came on the net cause I couldn't sleep and my name on msn was "Waif Girl". So this guy comes on, and hes like...What does waif mean? And I was like, it means skinny, or thin, like models are waifs. And he said..."Oh...You're not skinny tho."

How fucked are people anyway? Honestly, a girl who is physically and mentally drained and has ana written all over her face does NOT need to hear something like that. Especially since I was just sort of beginning to believe that I was thinner than most people. I get told that I'm skinny all the time, but are they lying? Are they just afraid to tell the truth? Afraid to say that I'm a big fuckin hideous pig who doesn't deserve to live? Why would he say that to me if it wasn't true? I want to die. Now I have to lose weight, and as quickly as possible. I can't believe people are so stupid, especially the ones at school. Here are a list of stupid things people have said to me over the year:

"Wow you're so skinny Fiona. You should eat something. You're like a toothpic...you're not as bad as Marisa though, she is sooooooo skinny." (This was said in front of a TEACHER...I cried over this one because Marisa is 5'4 and 120 lbs)

"You really shouldn't worry about your weight Fiona, honestly. You're like the skinniest girl in the class. Besides Meghan, but Meghan doesn't count" (I have never been skinnier than Meghan but people don't need to flaunt this in my face...she is like 5'4 and 95 lbs maybe)

"You look good Fiona. I'm glad you've started eating again, you can tell. You don't look gaunt and sick anymore, your face looks a lot fuller. You can tell you've gained weight, your not as scrawny as when I last saw you. (This was said by my grandma...grrr)

I sat on a girl's lap and she said: "Whoa, you're so HUGE, ow my legs! No, I'm kidding, your really light. (This was also said in front of a teacher and he gave me a funny look afterwards)

"You're so anorexic, eat something!"

"You're fat, I can't believe how fat you are. Fat Fiona. I can't believe your flabbiness, you're just so huge. Fat Fat Fat." (2 guys mocked me this way for about 20 minutes I swear to God, and it was in front of a teacher AGAIN. They were teasing, but still...)

"What are you eating?" A teacher asked me. I replied with "Nothing. I'm not opening this in the room so don't worry." (we're not allowed to eat in carpeted rooms) Then she was like "You really should eat ok. When you don't eat you screw up your metabolism. That's why you always feel sick and light headed, because you never eat." (This was said by a teacher in front of MY BOYFRIEND!!!)

A girl came up to me that I had never talked to in my life and said: "You should eat more, not eating isn't good for you." (Really? Well I so DID not know that!)

"That Fiona girl looks like an anorexic crack whore from New York." (My "friend" rushed up to me and told me that this guy said this about me. What a nice friend hey?)

I asked my grandma "DO I look petite in this skirt" and she replied with "Well you look ok, but you don't look skinny"

"I was 104 lbs when I was 3 months pregnant with Jill" (This was said by my Mom)

"I was always skinny as a kid. I was much skinnier than you are now." (My grandma again..uggggh.)

"You should stop eating so much, you'll get fat! Look at your arms, they're as big as mine!" (This was said by my brother when I was in gr. 8 and I went outside and threw up everything while bawling.)

Need I say again that people are stupid?