2003-06-28 - 12:31 a.m.

I know I know, what I a loser I am for being on this early in the morning. This journal has become my obsession for the short time I have had it. I'm always reading people's journals, and thinking of something to write in my own. Unfortunately, like 10 minutes ago I almost went on a binge...and its only been ONE DAY. Pathetic I know. I really wish I had motivation, but I'm fuckin glad I stopped myself before it got out of hand. I had six tea cookies (which are really small and 170 calories for 6) and half of a Sloppy Joe. I was so mad at myself, I screamed in anger and threw the sloppy joe outide where it belongs. I'm so glad I didn't mess up totally. Anyway, on a happier note...I'm really excited about today. There is a dance, and its going to be so fun because dancing = burning calories, a shit load of calories. I'm stoked.

Plan for today: Eat an apple for lunch, and chicken noodle soup (49 calories per cup) before I go to the dance. That means only like 129 calories will be taken in today!! whoo hoo! I hope I can do it. Plus, all that extra dancing will do me wonders. I will be skinny in no time. I don't know if I can update later on today, because my best friend Vanessa is coming over, and we are going to get ready together. She will be coming around 5ish I think. Geoff (my boyfriend) and Vanessa are both going to a funeral, and then they are coming to my house afterwards. A guy at our school got hit by a truck while he was on his dirt bike, and so lots of people are going to his funeral tomorrow. I don't know how to feel about it honestly...I didn't know him very well, but our school has like 300 kids in it from Kindergarden to Gr. 12. Everyone knows everyone, but still...I would feel weird attending his funeral. I don't want to be one of those people who go to funerals just because they feel obligated to be there. I feel bad...the kid was only in grade 9 which made me cry because he could have lived a good life. I'm depressed now. I think I'll go cry for a while.

Oh, my plan for tomorrow also is to get a scale. I haven't had a scale since last year, but I know I am 110 lbs because I weighed myself at my grandmas. Hopefully I will be able to update any weight change when I get it. I used to step on my scale every hour, but then it broke and I cried and cried and cried. I am lost without a scale, I feel so imcomplete. Thank God I have money to get one. Gonna go to bed now though so wish me luck.